If your mum or dad has been caught by a scam, the first thing to know is that they now belong to a very large diverse group who have been affected — the second is that the worst of the damage often isn't the lost money.
It's the confidence. For a lot of people, the hardest part is losing the feeling that they could know what was real and what wasn't — after that, every message, every call, every knock at the door carries a doubt that wasn't there before. That loss of trust in their own judgement is often the part that needs the most care, the most tending to, alongside the practical clear-up. This is a straightforward guide to both — offering support and next steps without taking control away from them.
First, the practical clear-up
Move through these calmly. Most can be done in an evening.
- Call the bank — use 159 if a call or message is involved. If money has moved, or card or banking details were shared, the bank's fraud team is the first call. Dialling 159 connects you safely to your own bank's fraud line (it's a service most UK banks have joined) — useful precisely because it sidesteps any number a scammer provides. If in doubt, use the number on the back of the card.
- Report it. In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, report to Report Fraud (the national service that replaced Action Fraud at the end of 2025) at **reportfraud.police.uk or **0300 123 2040. In Scotland, call Police Scotland on 101. Reporting rarely gets your money back, but it's how these operations are tracked and stopped — it counts.
- Forward scam texts to 7726 and scam emails to your email provider's "report phishing" option. It's free, and it feeds the filters that protect the next person down the line.
- Change the password on the affected account first, then on any other accounts that share it. If they reuse one password across several places — most people do — that's the real exposure.
- Keep the evidence (screenshots, the scam message, any reference numbers) before deleting anything. The bank and Report it will ask.
If you're not sure whether it was a scam, treat it as one until you know otherwise. Checking costs an evening; assuming it was fine can cost a great deal more.
Then, the harder part: how you talk about it
This is the point where families can either help rebuild confidence or, without meaning to, undermine it further. A few things make a real difference:
- Start with "this happens to everyone", because it's true. Modern scams are written by professionals whose entire job is to be convincing under pressure — a fake bank text at the exact moment a real payment was due, a caller who already knows several things about you. Being caught by a scam is not a sign that someone is losing their ability to cope, and treating it that way can cause more harm than the scam itself. Say that clearly — and mean it.
- Don’t take over their accounts. The instinct is understandable: change all the passwords, add yourself to everything, take control of decisions. It may appear to solve the immediate problem, but it can quietly send the message that they can no longer be trusted to manage their own affairs. That is exactly the confidence you are trying to restore. Help them through it. Sit beside them, not in their place.
- Fix the specific weakness, not the whole person. One scam message does not mean the internet is no longer safe for them. It means one particular route was exploited and needs to be closed. Keeping the response proportionate helps prevent a fearful withdrawal from everyday technology — the kind that can eventually leave someone with a computer they no longer feel able to use.
- Give it time, and look for small wins. Confidence returns in the same way it was shaken: gradually, through ordinary experiences that go well. A video call with a grandchild that works exactly as it should can do more to restore confidence than any number of warnings.
The honest bit — no tool catches everything
It's worth being clear about the limits, because false reassurance can be as damaging as unnecessary alarm. No product, filter or family member can stop every scam.
You can significantly reduce the exposure — for example, arranging things so that nobody new can start a conversation with them uninvited, which takes out a whole category of cold approaches. But if someone is persuaded to make the first move — to reply, to call a number, to click a link they went looking for — a response to that can still reach them. "Reduces the risk" is honest; "stops scams" isn't.
The strongest protection is a combination of sensible barriers to unwanted contact, knowing you can reach your bank quickly if something goes wrong, and—most importantly—a family culture where saying, "I'm not sure about this," feels normal rather than embarrassing. Keep that conversation open, and many scams can be stopped before they have a chance to take hold.